I felt like I was waiting. But what was I waiting for? | Wednesday Waffles 7th Edition
I caught myself in a spiral of overthinking the other day. Have you ever found yourself stuck in an endless cycle of thoughts, spinning with negativity, doubt, worry, stress, leading you into the depths of overwhelm?!
I’ve been there too. Many times.
I actually never considered myself an overthinker before my mental and emotional breakdown. I think it’s because I wasn’t truly aware of my thoughts before then… my conscious awareness only grew after my breakdown moment.
Do you know what I mean? To be aware of your thoughts. You catch your mind spinning out of control and you know there should be a way to turn it off or change the channel… but you just haven’t found something that actually sticks.
I’ve since realized that my mind uses overthinking as a coping mechanism when my emotions become triggered. The thoughts spiral in a pattern that has become subconscious… below the surface. Some moments I’m not even aware of the pattern, the negativity, the building of self doubt as the pattern becomes stronger over time. Until I catch myself, and I’m aware again.
There is 1 practice that I’ve leaned on again and again and again when I’ve fallen into a spiral of overthinking. It’s a meditative practice that guides my awareness & attention from my mind back into my body and soul.
You cannot think your way to feeling better. You have to feel your way to feeling better.
The cycle of thoughts only started because a heavy emotion triggered me into a fear-based state. This meditative practice guides me back into a calm, steady cycle of breathing where I can see the thought pattern for what it is - a coping mechanism built off of fear. I can calm my mind, bring ease back into my body and root into my soul once again. It’s from my soul where I can lean into faith on my path.
This recent experience connects to a conversation I had recently with a friend.
Let’s dive into the seventh edition of Wednesday Waffles!
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Back to the blog - I felt like I was waiting. But what was I waiting for? | Wednesday Waffles 7th Ed.
Conversations I’m Having Lately…
My friend is trying to stay in Canada for another year, and she’s been going through the whole visa process taking all the right steps to hopefully be approved. Well, last week she got notice from our boss that there is a huge roadblock on the path. This means a lot of things and without getting into the nitty gritty details, she is still here, but she may have to stop working and leave the country in a moment's notice.
It can be kind of scary not knowing your path forward.
There are other shifts and changes going on with some of my other friends too, big shifts. I said to my friend who is waiting on a visa that I felt like I was moving through a shift as well… but my shift looks very different on the outside than hers does.
She has two very clear directions, stay in Canada or go home to New Zealand. She is completely out of control, fully surrendered to whatever the decision may end up being. There is nothing left for her to do, except wait and see what transpires.
I told her that it feels weird to witness her through this very clear and defined waiting period because I too feel like I am in a waiting period. But my waiting period isn’t as visible to the naked eye.
I tried explaining it to her and I just didn’t have the words. But I’m going to try again, now that I’ve had some time to sit with this feeling.
I feel like I’m waiting.
I’m no longer the old version of myself, but I’m not yet fully this new version either. I’m sitting here in between two worlds waiting for a shift outside of me to happen. Waiting for something in my life to shift so that I will then know that I am in the right place. Not literally in the right place, but figuratively or energetically.
After having this conversation with my friend, I was scrolling social media that evening and came across a video that resonated deeply with me. The person was sharing an intuitive message, and she said “If you feel like you’re waiting for something this is for you”. She spoke about how you need to stop sitting in this energy of ‘waiting’ and you need to start claiming what you’re calling in and who you are becoming. She spoke further about if you constantly have a negative mindset or think the worst is going to happen then you are speaking those thoughts into existence. She shared that if you keep holding yourself in this pattern of waiting, then you will forever be waiting.
I knew this. I’ve received these kinds of messages before. This wasn’t new information to me.
This is how we learn. Lessons, messages and information come back around again and again and again, until we finally embody them.
Embodied transformation.
That is what I am here for. I’m no longer waiting for my life to change, I’m embodying the transformed version of myself right now… by carrying my wisdom, by following my intuition, by nurturing my emotions, and by choosing to keep growing.
I may not feel like I’ve fully stepped into this new version of me, but I think it’s because I will always be growing, expanding and evolving. There will never be a perfect moment of feeling like I’ve finally arrived. It will forever feel like a journey.
The journey is a path. A path of freedom. A path of purpose. A path of frequency.
How does this connect with my recent experience in overthinking?
In that feeling, the one where I’m waiting, my mind would start rolling out the cycle of doubt and worry. I didn’t even realize it was happening… hello subconscious thought patterns.
I held onto the energy of waiting because my mind kept trying to tell me that I wasn’t ready for the next chapter. It told me I wasn’t ready because I was afraid of the unknown, worried that bad things might happen.
After watching the video about shifting away from the energy of ‘waiting’, I started meditating on the energy of what I am calling in. My energy around this current phase completely shifted. No longer feeling the dread of waiting and instead feeling inspired about what I’m creating.
The shift I’m currently moving through… I once felt like I was waiting, now I’m embodying more trust through the unknown, believing good things are unfolding on my path. I’m not waiting, I’m living.
3 Tips I’m Remembering…
1 - I’m not sharing to be understood. I’m sharing as a way to express my soul.
For a long time I was focused on how other people perceived me (it is one of my greatest wounds, so I know it may trigger my ego again). I wanted to share my journey as a way to feel understood by the world, as a way to be well liked and accepted. My sun sign is in Libra, so keeping the peace comes naturally to me. But what I didn’t realize is that my 10th house (the house of career, reputation and public life) is in Scorpio. This literally means my career and public life is characterized by intensity, depth and the processes of death, transformation and rebirth. PEOPLE WILL NOT UNDERSTAND ME. Especially because I am always transforming, but also because my work inspires (or triggers) you to transform. I share my journey, my lessons, my experiences as a way to express my soul, not to be understood by others.
2 - I was hiding because it was easier to live more peacefully. But by hiding I was losing my sense of soul purpose.
This information (along with #1) has become clear to me because I recently read Jordan Younger’s (The Balanced Blonde) substack post on Your Frequency Code. She shared a ton of information on how to find your unique frequency code that includes your 10th House placement, your Jupiter placement and your Human Design energy type. (this is the stuff I love, tools to better understand your unique energy!). Back to why I was hiding… In 2023 I put my spiritual business on the back burner (for a lot of reasons, and if you’re interested in hearing more then maybe I’ll record a podcast ep on it). For the last 3 years I’ve been having a BLAST in life. I’ve never felt so free, so uplifted and so magnetic for joy. I needed to remember what this felt like because in the throes of my healing I felt so weighed down and overwhelmed by the shadows I was working through. The thing I’m remembering… even though life has been adventurous in all the right ways, I haven’t felt my true sense of soul purpose to the depths that I know I’m here to feel. My soul purpose is deeply embedded in my spiritual business, and my Jupiter placement tells me exactly why hiding has been the problem. This is what Jordan Younger has to say about my Jupiter in Leo placement: “You expand through full visibility and creative expression. Every time you show up as your complete self, you open a door. Being seen IS the strategy. Second guessing who you are is the antithesis to growth.” I’m no longer hiding, and my sense of soul purpose is being reawakened within me.
3 - Create for the joy of it, not the end result.
I shifted the foundation of my membership over the last couple months and it’s because I wasn’t enjoying it any more. I was focused on what had to get done and as the pressure to accomplish the tasks continued to build, I began to feel further and further away from the enjoyment of creation. If I’m not enjoying how I show up then how will everyone else feel when they engage with my sessions and resources?! Rhetorical question. Transforming my membership space started with the realization that I wanted to enjoy what I was creating again. Honestly, it was kinda scary to make the announcement that I was going to shift things. I was afraid of the members I would lose, I was afraid of making a mistake, I was afraid that I would fail and lose interest in the new way. (again, I could do an entire podcast episode on just this). Well, I made the shift and I could not be happier. I’m excited every single week to sit down and channel new resources for the membership. I’m excited for all the positive shifts my members are having with this new structure. I’m back in the energy of creating for the joy of it and I’m not bogged down by the end result being anything particular. When I create freely like this I am able to witness the frequency of my soul shine through each and every creation. This is the life I’m here to live and enjoy.
A mix of things shared with you this week, and I think in all of it it comes back to the inner transformation and letting your soul lead the way. I could not be here, sharing all of this with you, if I did not prioritize my own soul connection. The depths of my connection started with an intention years ago, the intention was to meditate for a year to feel more connected to my soul.
Let’s be honest, I did not meditate daily over that entire year.
The results of healthy consistency, I do feel more connected to my soul because of that initial commitment. Now I probably meditate on average 3-4 times a week. Some of those meditations are 5 minutes, and some last for 30+ minutes. Each one is different and unique. Each one guides me back home to my soul and what I need in that moment.
If there is one thing I would go back and tell myself in 2018, when I began my spiritual healing journey, it would be to meditate. But not just to meditate. I would tell myself that meditating consistently is the key to knowing your soul.
Let me know if you’d like to hear more about how I put my spiritual business on the back burner for 3 years, why I made that decision and how it impacted my life. Or if you want to know more about how I came to the decision to shift my membership, The Soul Care Space, and how the fear of doing something wrong blocked me from trusting my intuition.
Now, if you feel ready to know your soul in a deeper way and to build a consistent practice of meditating and living from the frequency of your soul, then it’s time for you to become a member of The Soul Care Space.
I’ve recently updated my sales page to reflect the changes I’ve made and I’m LOVING IT!!! So go check it out.
Much love,
Sydney Smith
Spiritual Mentor
Founder of Adventuring with Poseidon Wellness
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