4 Tips for Holding Space for Someone
What does it mean to hold space for someone? Why is holding space important? What is the proper way to hold space spiritually? I am going to answer these questions and more so you better understand how to be a good friend, and space holder for someone else’s spiritual and emotional healing.
As a Spiritual Mentor & Author, the foundation of my work is about holding space for other people and most importantly for myself. When we see someone else suffering or moving through a difficulty, as empaths we want to do everything in our power to take their pain and struggle away. The problem is that we can’t take their emotional and spiritual pain away, we can only hold space for them in their healing process.
One of the most important lessons I learned while recovering from my people pleasing ways is that I am not here to please others, I’m actually here to please myself by living a life in alignment with my values and my soul purpose. In learning to create joy for myself, I can then inspire others to learn to do the same for themself.
Most everyone that would consider themself a people pleaser is an empath. It is through our empathic abilities that leads us to try and please everyone around us. This is because as empaths we feel the energy and emotions that other people are experiencing. One of our trauma responses is to make sure no one else experiences pain, so we run around our lives trying our best to make sure everyone else is happy. This can come from our own fear, our fear of rejection or judgment. Rather than having someone upset with us, we will do what we can to please them. This is the fawn response in fight, flight, freeze or fawn.
Everyone has one job in life, and it’s to learn how to lead themself to joy and peace. We cannot expect an external source (something outside of ourselves) to be our only source of joy and peace. We all need to learn how to take ownership of our own emotions in order to be able to create joy and peace whenever we desire.
This is where holding space comes into our experience. Life is about contrast, meaning in order to experience love we have to know what fear feels like, and in order to experience joy we have to understand pain. Emotions are the way we experience life and when we avoid or ignore the pain, sadness, and anger then we block ourselves from being able to experience the peace, joy and fulfillment we desire.
What does it mean to hold space for someone?
When someone is moving through a challenge or problem in life they may come to you to let out their frustrations, express their sadness, and relieve their stress. Holding space is about creating a safe environment for that person to feel through their emotions. You are there to create a loving and supportive environment that is free from pressure, judgment and guilt, so they can move through the harsh emotions they are feeling.
Why is holding space important?
In our society we have been taught that our emotions make us sensitive and being sensitive is a weakness. This belief has created the behaviour of ignoring our emotions, brushing them under the rug, and continuing forward despite how we feel.
As a Spiritual Mentor, I know that your emotions are actually your teachers. They show you where you need to heal, how you are resisting your desires from flowing in, what you need to learn, and when it’s time to grow and evolve on your spiritual journey. Your emotions are the guideposts to following your soul path.
Holding space is important because as humans we tend to judge ourselves when we feel anything other than joy and other uplifting emotions. When there is someone else who is holding space for us to flow through our harsh emotions with grace we are better able to find compassion for ourselves.
Holding space is the beginning of our healing process. It’s how we can release the fears from our shadow self, and find our way back to the love our inner spirit embodies.
Shadow Work is about healing your past pains so you can lead from your Inner Light!
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Back to the blog - 4 Tips for Holding Space for Someone
Here are 4 things you need to know when holding space for someone.
#1 DO NOT OFFER ADVICE
Holding space is not about telling someone else how to live their life and what they need to do to move forward. Holding space is simply about offering grace and compassion so they can flow through their emotions.
#2 SET BOUNDARIES BEFOREHAND
When there are certain people in your life that you want to hold space for you or they want you to hold space for them, the best thing you can do for each other is set boundaries ahead of time. These boundaries may look like explaining to the person that when you come to them with a struggle you don’t want advice from them, you only want them to listen. It’s important to set boundaries with the people you are holding space for as well.
Holding space takes a lot of energy and can easily impact the space holder negatively if not properly prepared for the experience. A great boundary to set with your loved ones is having them ask you to hold space for them when they need it.
It could look like this:
Friend - “Hey, I’m really struggling with my emotions right now. Could you hold space for me while I move through them? I don’t need any advice, only grace and compassion.”
You - “Hey, you know I am always here for you. I’m in the middle of a task right now and wouldn’t be able to give you my undivided attention. Could I call you in an hour?”
Friend - “Yes, that sounds good. Thank you so much. I appreciate you holding space for me.”
#3 LEARN TO GUARD YOUR ENERGY
As an empath, holding space will mean that you pick up on the other person’s energy and emotions. This means you could easily leave the situation feeling drained, overwhelmed and it may even trigger your own fears and worries. Learning to properly guard yourself and your energy so you do not become attached to their experience is very important.
Holding space does not mean you take on someone else’s pain, it means you give them a safe space to release their pain while you carry compassion.
#4 HOLDING SPACE IS NOT A JOB FOR EVERYONE
This is extremely sensitive work and not everyone has the patience or energetic bandwidth to hold space for others. When you walk away from holding space for someone else and you always feel drained and emotionally affected it could very well mean that you are taking on a job that you are not meant to do. This isn’t bad, it simply means that you need to let your loved one know that you support them and you can’t continue to be their space holder. It’s better for both of you if your loved one can find the right person to hold space for them.
Holding space for someone is about creating a safe, supportive environment for that person to move through emotional and spiritual healing. Having the right person to hold space for you is extremely important, because you need to feel safe to explore your triggers, your fears and your shadow self. When it’s done in the right way you will be able to uncover your spiritual power and learn how to live in alignment.
Holding space is an integral part to your soul healing journey, both holding space for yourself and having someone else hold space for you.
I hope this post brought some new insight for you to reflect on for your spiritual journey.
Until next time, sending love & light,
Sydney Smith
Founder of Adventuring with Poseidon Wellness