Being Emotionally Vulnerable | Soul Healing Journey Entry 4
Often in my life I have brushed past my emotions, especially when someone’s actions triggered my emotions. I never want to place blame on someone else. I never want to stir the pot. I never want to confront someone. I never want to cause an argument. So instead, I sit in my own emotions and stew.
Over the last few years there is so much I have learnt about my emotions, most importantly that they are guiding me along my soul path. I have learnt that when I shut down my emotions or brush past them, the energy only sits stagnant inside of my body and produces unsupportive behaviours and habits from an unhealed space.
As I learnt this lesson I began approaching my emotions in a different way. I always felt through my emotions, but now I’ve started allowing myself to process them. Rather than just feeling the hurt, anger, sadness, and frustration, I looked at why I was feeling them. I asked myself what I may be able to do differently the next time around so I wouldn’t lead myself to these emotions again.
I learned how to hold grace for my sensitivities. I learned that my emotions are my friend and the more I honour my emotions, the more I honour myself.
The problem I began to experience after learning to love my emotions, is that I still feared confrontation. I still feared sharing my emotions with others. I didn’t want to blame someone else for triggering my emotions. I knew that my emotions were mine and I would never play victim to my emotions or to someone else’s actions.
I sit with the grounding energy of the trees. This is where I honour myself. This is where I am witness to my growth. I am healing. I am growing. I am becoming.
I am here to take ownership of my life and that includes my emotions.
Nobody can make me feel a certain way.
It’s my job to acknowledge the feelings that have become triggered and process them so I can guide myself back to peace.
My emotions are my experience and I don’t need to explain them to anyone.
This was my thought process.
It’s almost as if I was ashamed of my emotions.
Why would I not want to share them with the people I love?
Why was I only willing to share the uplifting emotions, but I hid the harsh, heavy emotions away, only to be seen by me?
Ahhhh…. Resistance.
My emotions are always showing me where I carry resistance, and it’s my job to uncover this resistance, process it, release it, and bring myself into a harmonious state of being once again.
Where is this resistance coming from?
Well, I don’t want my harsh emotions to trigger someone else’s emotions. I know what it feels like to have your emotions triggered, so I am going to do what I can to not trigger anyone else’s. This is very much rooted in my people pleasing tendencies. I’m over here trying to keep the peace in all facets of life, but internally I know I’m not one sided. I am a multidimensional being, and if I am only showing my uplifting side then nobody will ever see me for who I fully am.
By hiding my harsh emotions, I’m hiding parts of myself from the world.
If I truly desire to be seen for who I am then I need to stop hiding parts of me.
I don’t need to react out of emotion, but I certainly can speak to the people I love and share how I’ve felt and why I’ve felt that way.
I never felt safe in sharing my emotions fully, because I judged my own emotions.
The moment I learned to love my emotions and how to honour myself as I processed through my emotions was the moment I stopped judging myself.
Now, how do I share this with someone else?
How do I speak about my emotions?
How do I tell someone their actions triggered my emotions?
I don’t want them to feel defensive. I don’t want them to think I am blaming them. I don’t want them to carry bitterness towards me.
I do want them to understand me fully. I do want them to know how their actions affect the people around them. I do want them to grow into the best version of them. I do want them to know that I love them no matter what.
“Vulnerability is hard.
Creating open conversations of discussion is what makes for strong connections.
Being uncomfortable is how we grow.”
I have to simply try.
I would want my loved ones to let me know when my actions have triggered them.
So, why can’t I be open with them?
“Hi, I have something to share with you. I want this to be an open and loving conversation so we can both learn and grow. I want you to know that I have moved through something challenging recently. I have learned about myself and it’s helped me to grow. You played an important part in my recent growth. Your actions lately have triggered a wound within me. I’m in the process of healing this wound, and I’d like to discuss with you so you can understand where I am coming from and I can understand why you acted that way. Are you open to having a conversation about our emotions?”
The person that loves me and wants to see me grow will be open to these conversations, just as I would be open if they approached me.
My emotions don’t only teach me how to follow my soul path. My emotions also teach me how to create stronger connections with the people I love.
I’m learning.
This is a journey and I’m excited to see where this next phase leads me.
Until next time, sending love & light on your spiritual journey,
Sydney Smith
Founder of Adventuring with Poseidon Wellness
